Only In My Dreams
by klcm
Summary: Morgan's doing things in his sleep and they all revolve around the same person M/G
1. Only In His Dreams

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

With a crooked grin that bared his perfect smile Derek watched as the team's curvy tech entered the room, he'd noticed a difference in her ever since she'd dropped her long term boyfriend. That'd been the making of them. Not the making he'd anticipated but it had made him see Tamara the way Penelope saw it and it made him step up to the start line and bring Penelope the ice cream she needed post breakup. He made her a priority like she should've been.

Ever since their banter had began to pick up and he enjoyed both living and celebrating the single life with Pen again. 'Well something blew in Garcia's wardrobe again.' He told her as he watched her approach him, the sway in her hips, the seductive grin on her ruby lips.

'I was feeling inspired by the colour fairy.' She retorted and spun around to show off her outfit.

'And you rock the look Baby girl.' He told her and moved the papers on the desk for her to sit down; she slipped on and looked at him side wards. 'Have I got pen on my face or something?'

'No you don't have me on your face. However much you beg me Morgan it's not gonna happen.' She told him and he laughed. 'I told you it was a one off, never again.'

'Behave baby girl, don't want to make people start rumours.'

'What like you have Penelope filled dreams? That when you go home at night you pine for me.' She teased and saw him divert his eye contact away; she leant forward and pulled him closer by his tie. 'What's up handsome?'

'Nothing.' He replied coolly.

'Uh huh and when did lying become your thing exactly?'

'It's nothing.'

'I'll be in my office when you're ready to talk about it, but either way I expect you at mine for the game tonight.' She told him, she gave his forehead a peck and slipped off the desk, she flashed him a smile and wink and went on her way.

Derek watched as her ample bottom moved with a slight sway as she walked off with her usual perfected swagger. He allowed his hands to go up to his head instinctively. This really wasn't getting any easier for him.

Ever since Kevin had jumped the Penelope love boat he'd been finding this knot in his stomach growing more and more. It wasn't a knot that he wanted to get rid off but more a knot he had no idea how to handle.

Sure Derek Morgan was your typical ladies man, at 6 foot 1 he found it easy to charm the knickers of a woman, he had the skin tone of... oh hell... a chocolate Adonis, it wasn't a lie, he'd used Penelope's descriptions on women more than once. The problem was he felt like a slab of meat to random women but he felt like a true empowered God around Penelope. To go with his God like complexion were the set of pearly white teeth hidden behind his, once quoted by Penelope, kissable lips, his eyes a brown almost light onyx caught women's attention and then there was his physique. He worked out and the way he dressed just proved it. It drew women in, made him feel somewhat less lonely.

The problem was whenever he looked at Penelope something in him flared up, like a fire that catches light to more things, it burnt away with intensity and nothing seemed to settle it. Whenever he looked at any other woman he felt nothing, there was no yearn for them, or pull to their personality because he was too busy making up comparisons.

Penelope was even in his sleep and no one but him was going to know that, not until he knew how to deal with it. He looked down at the desk and laughed, Penelope had left a pen on his desk. Somehow she'd left that and a note, moving the sparkly pen he laughed to himself.

_Turn that frown upside down Gorgeous. Or mamma will ban herself from your naughty fantasy world. What would you do then eh?_

_Love you handsome and be ready for a night of beers and belching yeah? The usual?_

Looking at that note he couldn't help but frown. Hanging out with Penelope was the most natural and closest thing he'd ever gotten to his own domestic bliss. They could lay out on the couch, popcorn and junk out, a six pack or two of beers in the fridge, the game on or a film and just literally doss out. He'd burp and Penelope would try and out do him. It just wasn't disgusting between them. He knew he had that to look forward to if a case didn't crop up on them.

But whatever he knew that as soon as his eyes closed to sleep Penelope would be right there; he just didn't know what form. He guessed he'd find out in a couple of hours.

_**A/N:**_ Complete HEA here! Well will be of course! Lol

KricketWilliams is officially rubbing off on me here!

But R&R, Let me know what you think!


	2. Dreamlike State

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Derek Morgan never thought he'd been looking at what he did when he got into work after how he'd woke up that evening. They'd gotten to the end of the case and left early hours of the evening, he'd slept on the plane and his dreams were filled to brim.

Now looking at Penelope asleep in her office, it was late and she was sleeping sounding, if not entirely uncomfortably in her chair. He could hear her soft snores and he couldn't help but smile. He liked her like this, completely oblivious, at peace, calm, vulnerable. It wasn't a weak vulnerable he was looking at but more like a slip side on Penelope's usual independent woman persona. It added a whole other side of her that was just waiting to be loved.

Penelope moved slightly then and she let out a word, he didn't quite catch it but watching her he knew she'd been dreaming and he thought of the dreams he'd had whilst on the plane. His heart clenched then, he was dreaming of something he thought he could never have.

_Sinking into his seat on the plane, Derek placed the earphones on and looked at out of the window, he was exhausted and he knew that if he was going to dream it was going to be about the case that was just over. However, saw he found himself in a dream, not in a nightmare._

'_You know handsome, repetitive strain injury is common among the single male.' Penelope mused as she ran her finger around the lip of her cup; she looked up a seductive grin on her lips. He watched her lick her lips and flutter her lashes slightly. _

'_Is that right baby girl?'_

'_Uh huh hot stuff.' She told him and he grinned her. 'Common among single females too.'_

'_Well that is very precise knowledge.'_

'_Yup, do you know how to relieve such injuries?'_

'_I'm sure you're gonna tell me beautiful.'_

'_Oh too right.' She said and leant forward, her ample breasts looking fully as they pushed together and Derek had to swallow the lump in his throat and gain composure. 'To relieve it a single male must get with a single female, help one another. You know help one another with their natural needs.'_

'_Where are you going with this Garcia?' He asked her out right and Penelope's eyes looked up and into his. 'What is it you want exactly?'_

'_Well, it's one thing really.' She said and a nervous note caught her tone. 'Really, it's all I've ever wanted and you see I've never had the courage to just....'_

'_Spit it out P.'_

'_Fine...' She said and looked left before looking him dead in the eyes. 'I want you Handsome.' Penelope bit her lip then and then let out an exasperated breath. 'I'm fed up of not grasping my opportunities, of not thinking myself worthy of a man like you but if you don't feel the same then fair do's because I'm never gonna regret telling you.' She said and drunk the rest of her drink, she smiled at little and then shifted from their booth in the diner. 'I'll see you are work tomorrow Hot Stuff.' She told him as she took his silence as his answer._

_She was fully stood and heading for the nearby door before he spoke. 'Pump... your breaks woman.' Penelope responded and stood still. 'Turn and sit that fine arse back down.' Penelope just silently sat down, she hadn't lost the seductive look she'd been carrying around for a while. 'You know you need to let a man respond before you leave.'_

'_I just thought...'_

'_You thought wrong.' Derek said and took the opportunity to lean forward, using his index finger he got her lean towards him, their breath mingling with one another. 'See the thing is, I'm already a taken man.' He took in the registered devastation. 'Yeah you see there's this woman, she's a red head, curvy as hell, got this boobies like wow oh wow and this smile that on the most shines brighter than the sun itself in my life.' He reached up and tugged on a red curl. 'It's always been you baby girl, always.' He leant in more and kissed her on the lips, both playing their equal ways to intensifying the moment. _

_Derek felt everything in the kiss, the chemistry as it finally got the chance to fizzle together and explode into the fireworks that it had been meaning to for years. He felt the passion run through his every vein and he felt the heat radiating from Penelope as they finally pulled apart._

'_How about we take this home Goddess?'_

'_Oh and to who's home would we be going sugar?'_

'_Who's ever we get to first.'_

'_I like yours.' She opted._

'_Mine it is then.' He said and threw the money down on the counter top for their food and slid out, taking Penelope's hand he walked out of there with her hand in his. Making it to his he'd felt weird, a good weird, a weird he wanted to keep. His every dream was coming true._

_Getting out the pair became suddenly insatiable. Like they need the taste of the other on their tongues to believe this was truly happening. Kissing, nibbling, sucking, he came in rhythmic succession, a natural progression as they made it into the house. The first thing Penelope felt as they entered was Derek's cologne, one of her all time favourite smell, it lingered with the smell of dog, a smell that made the place more like a home than a bachelor pad. _

_Derek became ravenous, he had Penelope in his grips, he had her where he'd yearned for her for so long. They barely made it upstairs, barely made it through the door, they basically fell through. Laughing slightly they took a stepped back, surveying the situation, Penelope's hands went to her blouse and she started to unbutton it. Derek pulled his top off and threw and then kicked his boots off. Penelope stepped out of her remaining shoe, she'd lost the other on the way up. Derek went for his belt as Penelope peeled the silk blouse from her skin and then it was all gone._

_Derek shot awake as the plane hit homeland, they'd landed and he'd just missed the best bit of his dream. Missed out on having her ultimate beauty lay bare in front of him. Running his hands over his face to help him hit reality again he shook his head and thought of where he was heading once they were off the plane._

Derek watched Penelope for a couple of minutes more before proceeding into the room to wake her up from her dreams and getting her home to sleep peacefully in her own bed. Just like he was going to go home to sleep in his own bed, and he prayed to God he'd be allowed to finish that dream off.

_**A/N:**_ He's now dreaming of her!! =) Hope you liked!


	3. The Love Of Drafts

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Ever since that dream Derek couldn't help but look at Penelope and wonder if her neck tasted of strawberries and cream or if that was just made up like the rest of it.

To say they were getting closer was an understatement, it was like everything that had happened, hadn't really happened at all. There was no animosity about Battle, Kevin, Tamara or even the lack of 'them' that had occurred when Derek was unit chief.

They now had routines, they had their norm back, they flirted like there was no tomorrow and they basked in one another's friendship.

Derek had now given up being the ladies man, he didn't want rakes or sticks, he wanted curves that his hands could just flow over. Curves like Penelope's, curves that screamed what a real woman was made of. He wanted that and he would and could pursue getting it had it not been Penelope that he desired so much. He felt like too much relied on them for him to tell her, that their friendship would falter under the love and he would rather have Penelope's friendship and basic love than lose her altogether. Losing her would be the complete end of him and he knew it.

He doodled while he sussed out how to complete this report, his head was far from the job, it was getting late and he hadn't finished.

'Come on cup cake, mamma's taking you for a stiff drink.' Penelope told him and threw him his coat his way; he caught it and then he fell back into his chair and looked up at her. 'Na uh, I've spoken to the boss mass, you're all mine and I like to treat my favourite chocolate right.'

He couldn't help but laugh at her. 'I better be your favourite type of chocolate.'

'Mm, nothing beats ya sugar.' She told him with a smile and put his hand out for him to take. 'Come on, I want some respite, you need some respite, let's go dancing.' He nodded and threw his pen down. 'That's it, it can wait until tomorrow. Unless the work gremlin comes and be's nice to my sugar daddy.'

'Well sugar mamma we'll just have to see.'

'Oh, handsome, I'm only your sugar equal if I were your woman. Frat rules a no, no in this place, but outside of this building I'll be anything you want me to be.' She winked at him and then went for the door, pushing it open she stood there as he stared at her. 'You coming Agent Morgan? I'm waiting.' She told him with a teasing grin, he chuckled, shook his head, put his coat and went towards her.

Now he was at home, Penelope's smell still lingered on the fabric of his clothes. The after taste of one too many beers masking his taste buds still and he let the sleep take him. He was drunk, he was more exhausted and taking that break with Penelope did him the world of good.

Waking up Derek felt the sun of the morning warming him and he felt like he'd slept peacefully. The fact he was still on top of the bed and fully clothed was irrelevant. He pulled himself up and stretched, his dreams had been filled with Penelope and he knew he couldn't keep living with her loving him in his dreams. He got up and went and took Clooney out, he ran to clear his head but when that failed him, he decided to take a cold shower.

With all this fail in quite succession of itself he realised he was going to be too early for work, he fell down onto the couch and saw his laptop out, he hadn't left it out. Hadn't touch it in days from its place in the corner unit. Lifting it up he found it to still be on, waiting for it to load the only programme running were his emails. No new emails that he hadn't already seen, but his draft box had 4 emails with no one in the sender. Putting his elbows to his knee's he leant forward and read.

The first one consisting of just one simple list. That was all that lay in that email and as he read down the list is heart clenched.

**You**

*Brown Orbs I could stare at all day.

*Red curls I could run my hands through for eternity.

*Ruby lips I could kiss until my mouth ran dry and my breath run out.

*Curves I could run my hands over forever.

*Voice that echoes in my sleep.

*Laugh that rings in my ears long after the jokes finished.

*Walk that is so perfected its unique.

*You, my one and only.

Derek finished reading it, he had no idea when he wrote it, his eyes flashed to the date and time, 10th May 2010, 03:34am, he frowned, ran a hand over his mouth and sighed, he had no recollection. Clicking onto the next one he read the first bit and he knew the truth to it all. In this one were just quotes nothing else, just simple short quotes, all about love.

**Soul meets soul on lover's lips.** ~ By Percy Bysshe Shelly ~

**We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end. ~**Benjamin Disraeli~

**Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart.** ~Charles Dickens~

**Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.** ~Zelda Fitzgerald~

**Love is like smiling; it never fades and is contagious.** ~Paula Dean~

**Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.** ~Rose Franken~

**Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it rekindles the great. **~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin~

**Till I loved I never lived.** ~Emily Dickenson~

**Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. ~** Albert Einstein~

**I love you - those three words have my life in them. **~ By Alexandrea to Nicholas III ~

Derek must've read those lines multiple times before he breathed again, a new email, time: 4:04am, and he had no idea he'd done it. Worried he went to the last email, this one had a sender, Penelope's email sat in the sender box and his eyes widened before he looked down.

_**They say we leave this world just the way we came into it... naked and alone.**_

_**So if we do leave with nothing, what then is the measure of a life? Is it defined by the people we choose to love?**_

_**Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments?**_

_**And what if we fail, or have never truly loved? What then? Can we ever measure up?**_

**I don't my life measured by achievements Baby Girl; I want my shot at measuring it through my love. My love of you.**

Derek just shut the laptop and ran his hands over his head. He had to tell her, he had to let her know that he loved her with everything that made him, that every cell of his body just called for her. He shook his head in hope to help clear out the images of Penelope; he just stood and left for work. Looking at his phone he saw he was now running late, flipping it open to ring Hotch he saw it still on his messages.

He groaned, he had texts saved too.

_**A/N:**_ So another chapter done!

Mooorgans getting deep in love!!! =)

Hope you still like =) Let me know!


	4. Deep Carvings

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

'Case is over, let's go grab a drink and come back Monday and complete all this.' Hotch told said as they entered the BAU. 'I think we could all do with a good night's sleep after.'

Derek almost snorted at that, he was exhausted but only because he was occupied in his sleep, occupied with getting what he wanted, it seemed so easy to do in his dreamland but in reality it scared the hell out of him. Derek Morgan stood in front of his desk that night and inwardly admitted to being scared of rejection from a woman.

'Hey there Morga-meister.' Penelope said as she took her place next to him. 'Interesting desk. The history that comes with it's a good one. Been home to this actual God of a man for the last 9 years.' She groaned the God part to apply the emphasis on the word. 'This God is also a hero, come to think of it, he's my noir hero, heroic, stoic and drop dead hot.' She teased him and he looked at her as she smiled, her eyes staring off as she carried on. 'It's also a good seat.' She said and looked at him, a large grin showing her smile. 'Come on stud, you're holding the other heroes of the clan up.

'Hello to you too Baby Girl.' He finally told her and Penelope turned at looked at him as he caught her hand in his. 'Any dancing tonight sweet thing?'

'Oh, well I only have one dance partner and.... well... you see... if he's up for dancing then I'm, like, totally up for dancing.' She said and put mock nerves in her voice.

'Come on silly girl, let's get you dancing.'

'I think we do too much dancing, it's every time we go out hot stuff.'

'You can never dance too much with a Goddess.' He told her and put his hand around her waist as they walked to the elevator and met the others. 'Trust me, I've not got bored yet.'

The next morning Derek was sitting on the steps that led into his garden, the sun was beating down and Clooney was fetching the balls that Derek kept on throwing. That night he had danced with Penelope, he'd not touched a single drop of alcohol, he didn't dare. He didn't want to find some weird shrine cultivated for Penelope at the end of it. He didn't want that type of reality just yet.

Penelope had done her usual, she'd been her and no one else. She hadn't cared who was watching, she was up there to dance with him and only him and she was there to have fun. The more he watched her the more he knew he wanted her, he knew that every ounce of his being was soon going to be screaming for her to be his.

'Good boy.' Derek told Clooney as the dog dropped the ball and waited for Derek to throw it. Obeying Derek threw the ball and heard it hit the fence at the end of the garden, Clooney sprinted down to the end and then halted. Derek waited patiently for the dog to get the ball in his mouth and run back except he just sat down and looked at the bushes. 'Clooney!' He called out. 'Get the ball boy!' He yelled and Clooney looked at him before looking back at what he was looking at.

Groaning Derek stood up and walked down to the end of the garden, still Clooney didn't make any moves to get the ball. 'Why have a dog and bark yourself?' Derek asked himself sarcastically as he stepped over one of the bushes. He stood and scoped the area, looking by the tree's that were around for any signs of the yellow ball, he then looked in one of the bushes but as he straightened back up he froze.

Moving his hand up to the bark on the tree, Derek let his hand move over it; shakily Derek looked above it and did the same. Derek let out a deep breath as he looked at what was in front of him. On the entire bark of one of the trees was either Penelope on its own or Penelope in a heart. Occasionally his name with hers but the one that knocked the breath from his lungs was the one very scruffy bit saying Penelope Morgan.

Feeling exposed Derek looked up the garden, the only thing watching him was his dog, he looked back at the tree trunk and looked more closer. As he took his a step forward he felt his foot kicked something, looking down he saw a red pen knife.

Picking it up he closed it. 'You were in the drawer last night.' He muttered and put the knife away in his back pocket. His eyes traced the carvings and he worried if there were anymore. Leaving the covered tree he went and inspected the others. Finding most bar 1 more carving free he found the ball and headed back into the house.

Leaving the door open he sunk onto the couch and opened his laptop, letting it load he waited and contemplated. His psyche was really having a big deal with this. Just because he was being stubborn and not wanting to admit it openly to Pen seemed to be wreaking havoc on him in every other way possible.

He got the emails back up and read them through properly. The first one he read and read again and with each new point Penelope came into his head. Her entire beauty, inside and out, was now displayed in his head for him to see, hear, smell, touch. Shaking it away he got the quotes up from the second email, each one of them building in meaning, each one truer than the last. He read them a dozen times; he wanted them learnt so that one day he could speak them. Getting the last email up Derek read it aloud and fell back into the cushions, hands on head, eyes closed tightly.

Derek knew entirely that he wanted to take a woman home to his mom so that he could tell her that he was so madly, deeply in love that he had the prospect of future, he wanted to have a woman that kept his head on the right track, he wanted a woman that kept him on his toes, bit back as much as she could take, questioned him, teased him, loved him. A woman that made him happy, that kept him from losing his true being. He wanted nothing more than to measure his life with the love he had and he hoped and prayed that the love he received back would be the love that would help him measure his life through true love. He could already measure his life with his achievements but that was it.

Sitting forward he got all the emails up and carried the laptop to the printer. He printed each one and read them all once more before putting them in a box; the texts could wait until he was ready. Putting the box down on the coffee table he went into the garden and took part of the bark away, the one with the clearest carving and took it back inside. He added that to the box and closed the lid, putting the box on the shelf he backed away.

For now everything Penelope based in the way he was running from would remain in that box, he would give it to her when he stopped being a coward or when he got any idea she was serious about showing him a good morning or if he ever felt leaving was the best idea.

Until that day he was going to continue living the life he had with Penelope.

_**A/N:**_ Right I know I've been gone a couple of days. Uni essays, not feeling great and general fun took over so I give you this!!

Hope you enjoyed!! =)

Let me Know!


	5. Lyrical Heart

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Derek found himself staring at that box more and more. It was like his dirty little secret, the one thing in his life that he didn't tell Penelope. The one thing he felt he couldn't share with her. The only other time he'd felt like that was with Tamara but even then it was different. That box was almost sacred to him now.

This time as he looked at the box it was with him sat with photos of Penelope strewn across the floor. He'd walked down the stairs to find the living room floor, seats, table top all covered with every photo he had of her. He really didn't realise how many he had of her but he never thought it'd be this many. He leant forward and gathered some in his hands. There were 9 years of photo's here, 9 years of friendship and as he looked at the way he held her, 9 years of loving one woman wholeheartedly.

The photo's showed Penelope in her many ways. There was the somewhat professional Penelope, from when they she first started on the team, in suits with a splash of colour. Then there was her as her part in the team became more and more permanent, her clothes becoming more colourful than anything. Her hair in its many do's but mainly her hair sat down in curls, some with pink streaks, or brown underneath, or just pure blonde. Then there was the here and now, her hair now a crown of light auburn, a new crimson look for her. Her lips still sat with their nearly permanent smile, the redness of her lipstick making her stand out even more, her eyes still glinting behind her ever changing specs.

After contemplating for too long Derek stood up, grabbed a bottle of water and the nearest pot of aspirin, he had a killer headache coming on and he knew it was self induced. He headed upstairs and sunk onto the bed, it was too hot, he was too hot, to get into the bed so he just lay on top of it. It was as he just stared and felt the headache ebbing away he felt his phone vibrating.

Picking it up he didn't look, he just flipped the phone open. 'Hello?'

'I hope you're not sleeping sunshine.' Came Penelope's melodic voice down the phone to him. 'How dare you do that on your day off?'

He laughed. 'I've got a headache silly girl, was just taking a nap to help.'

'Ahh poor baby, would you like mamma to come and look after you?'

'Naw, it's okay baby, as grateful as I am, I'm just going to sleep it off but how about later you and me do our movie night? The classics, I'll bring beer and take out.'

'And for that Morg's I'll remain in my PJ's.'

He inwardly groaned but kept himself composed. 'I'd have been disappointed if you were wearing anything else.'

'How about if I was wearing nothing?'

'Behave baby girl.' He said as he rolled over. 'I'm gonna have to leave you and your dirty mind for a bit while I tackle this head ache.'

'Okay handsome, have you got the blinds shut?' She asked him worriedly.

'Yeah baby.'

'Slight window open?'

'Yup.'

'Clooney got the garden to himself?'

'Of course.'

'Bottle of cold water near?'

'Yes.'

'Aspirin near?'

'Got it.' He hadn't expected her to be that in tune with him but then again why should it surprise it.

'Good, just making sure hot stuff. Shut those gorgeous eyes and ring me when you're up, if you're not up for tonight I'll just sprawl out of the couch. Sweet dreams stud.'

'Thanks baby girl.' He said with a smile as the line went dead. He put his phone the bedside table and settled more, he just closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Walking up he could tell the afternoon was now in full swing and he stretched and lay still for a bit, he's headache was definitely gone now and he was thankful for that, the smile still on his face from Penelope's concern he got up and opened the blinds.

Walking down the stairs he hummed a song he hadn't heard in a long time, he went into the kitchen and grabbed himself another drink, seeing Clooney on the deck he went out and sat with him, he stayed out there in the untroubled bliss of the summer air and finished his drink.

Walking back in the reality of his feelings hit him harder than before. On the once empty coffee was now covered in open CD cases, CD's everywhere, his ipod now out, he looked up, and saw that the hi-fi system was on. On approach he saw a notepad and drew in a heavy breath before taking the paper and taking a seat.

'Get a grip Derek.' He told himself aloud as he read some of the CD cases. Finally looking at the pad in his hands he sucked in a deep breath and forced himself to read it.

**It always occurs to me  
How lovely you look today  
Just how you smile that way  
Makes my heart melt  
Seemed like just yesterday  
When you stole my breath away  
You walked into my life  
You completed my soul  
When you walked into my life  
You completed my soul**

Derek looked for the song that it was but couldn't quite grasp it, he couldn't believe how close a song had gotten to his true feelings, he'd had enough of sleeping if he was going to spout the truth anyways.

**I knew I wouldn't forget you, and so I went and let you blow my mind  
Your sweet moving, the smell of you in every single dream I dream  
I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind**

Shaking his head, he'd done it again and he couldn't get his head around it.

**When you feel it in your body  
you found somebody who makes you change your ways  
like hanging with your crew  
said you act like you ready but you don't really know  
and everything in your past- you wanna let go**

He didn't want to stop now; he wanted to know what else was there.

**Yeah, because  
I can see us holding hands  
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand  
I can see us on the countryside  
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side  
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady  
Girl, you amaze me  
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy  
See, all I want you to do is be my love**

'Trust Justin 'frigging' Timberlake to put it so simple.' Derek said as his left hand ran the course of his head in frustration.

**I'm finally in love (yeah)**

**I know what it is**

**I know how it feels for the first time, I**

**I'm finally in love**

**And I wanna feel this good**

**For the rest of my life**

Derek shook his head as his eyes ran with the scribble, it was evidently his writing so he had to literally face the music and see what the last song was.

_**Girl I've tried and tried a million times  
To get you off my mind  
It's not that easy noooo  
It's not that easy  
Don't you know how hard it is for me**_

'God Baby girl if you knew what you did to me.' He said exasperated and fell back into the couch, after a few moments of utter silence; he opened his eyes and looked up at the box. 'More stuff to go in there it seems.' He muttered and gathered himself together.

Pulling the box down he looked and couldn't help but smile, all this for one woman. Picking up all the CD's he put them inside, pulling the paper from pad he added it and then finally all the photos went on top. Closing the lid he put it back before grabbing his phone to ring Penelope.

_**A/N:**_ Right my itunes helped me here!!

_Songs in order:_  
Justin Nozuka – I'm At Peace

Train – Hey, Soul Sister

Usher – You Got It Bad

Justin Timberlake – My Love

Mclean – Finally In Love

Lemar – It's Not That Easy

Once again hope you enjoyed! More Soon!

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	6. Signed, Sealed, Undelivered

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Derek crawled out of bed, the light was still bright as July slowly crept closer, and his thoughts went to Penelope and how his and Penelope's relationship had become somewhat more playful, so much so she was now asleep in the guest room after spending the night.

The previous night they'd had a barbeque with the rest of the team, Penelope had sat on the side of the pool with JJ and Emily for most of it, letting the sun reflect and tan their skins some. He'd smiled as every time he looked up Clooney was near; he never left Penelope's side. As the day wound on and cocktails were shared and the group dispersed Penelope had remained and they'd gone for a late night movie marathon. Come 1am they both just felt the need to crawl into bed and he wasn't having her going home, even if they'd both sobered up.

He looked at the clock, it was just coming up 7 and he didn't want to sleep anymore, getting up and pulling on some cargo shorts and a plain top he headed downstairs. He wasn't thinking straight and it showed as he saw the coffee table covered with scattered notebook paper and felt his heart falter. He rushed over and pulled the box down in haste, knowing what this all was, he started picking it all up in a hurry. He noticed that not all the paper had a complete sentence on; some were the beginning of a letter then scribbled out. He finally sank down with the complete letter and read intently.

_**They always say the easiest way to start a letter is with Dear, or To but when it comes to you they seem to formal, too thought out, too obvious. And when I look at you there's nothing formal, or thought out or obvious. So to put Dear Penelope, or even To My Baby Girl, would go against my view of you and I can't do that. So I'm starting it like this and I'm going to keep it like this.**_

_**9 years is how long I've had you in my life and even now I can't express the one thing I've needed to. It's like every time I want to the world takes over or I lose my voice or I become a coward. I don't know what you see when you look at me but it's not me, it can't be me if I can't step up and get what I want.**_

_**Over the last couple of months I guess my love for you has been wreaking havoc on me. It all started with dreams, dreams that felt so real my heart stung when I woke up, soon I had emails and texts saved for you. Then the trees in my garden were covered in carvings, to top it all photos of you were everywhere one morning and I had music written down. Lyrics that spoke my feelings. Everything reminded me of you, was all to do with you but you'll never know because I'll never tell you.**_

_**You said last night that you was happy being single but now you want to get a man that's like you and that someone like Kevin would do again but you see I might not be into computers and I might not quote Star Trek but I am just like you because when it comes down to it, I know you best. I know when your beautiful eyes are about to shed a tear or when you're hurting from a case or when you're getting ill. I know you like the back of hand baby girl. Just like you know me. Whether you do it on purpose or not you're my guardian angel when I need you most and you give more to me than anyone else ever has.**_

_**I watched you sometimes when you put your hand to where Battle shot you and I know it's a subconscious thing but those markings he left were the finalisation for me that I loved you. That you were the woman made me, that my life without you wouldn't be worth living because a world without is too consuming, the prospect is too dark. Those marks aren't anything bad but more the opposite, they're my love engrained into your skin.**_

_**I guess Battle is one of my reasons for not telling you. I told you once that I love you and you met Kevin Lynch and it went from there. You were so happy with him that I doubted I could ever make you that happy and so I just took the steps back. Once my anger subsided I left you to it. You deserved happiness, it had been a hellish time for you and I wanted you to do what you felt you needed to get back to you. Then it ended and you were still you when he left. You were still Penelope Garcia, the life of the party, the smile in the pain, the light in the dark and you came back to me.**_

_**We bonded again, after so much separation we found us in it all. It was never too late and it won't be. You forgave me for dropping out on us and you came back to me with your normal pizzazz and that makes me love you more with each passing day that I have you back in my life.**_

_**Penelope Garcia, my baby girl, my Goddess, my sweet thing, my **_**sugar**_** mama, you mean more to me than you'll ever know and the thing is I don't think I can ever tell you because I'm scared of being rejected. That every joke or tease or smile or touch you have ever given me is just a part of friendly banter that I look too far into.**_

_**I want nothing more than to have you as mine, to take you to my mom and show her the woman that completed me after so much heartbreak. To show her the one woman that has ever made me feel love, that has ever just loved me for me. Loved me for Derek Morgan the guy, not Derek Morgan the stud or the agent but for me and me only. You didn't even change towards me when you found out about Buford and for that I cherish you more, after Battle, after my attitude I hoped it'd be a door to telling you how I felt but I was wrong. Telling you then just seemed completely wrong and I felt like I was using you when you weren't completely on board and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted you to know the extent of my jealousy that day before it happened when we were ready but we haven't had the chance since.**_

_**I've been in love with you since our first meeting, it was through your forgiveness that something exploded, like fate meant we were meant to collide in such a way to kick start our far from normal relationship. I'll forever love you and I'll forever understand if you don't feel the same. I just never want to lose you from my life and that's it. I need you to live in my life, you're my breath and you're my reason for loving life. You've restored me so many times and I'll never forget it.**_

_**I love you baby girl. Forever.**_

_**Derek.**_

He sucked in a harsh breath as he completed the letter and just stared at his hands, they were shaking, rolling the letter in his grasp he heard Penelope's door opening. He quickly folded the letter and put it in the box before closing the lid and getting into the kitchen to get a pot of coffee started.

Penelope breezed into the room and smiled at him but frowned at his faraway glare. 'Morning Morgan.' She said as she slipped onto a stool. 'Mooooorgan.' She drew out and Derek looked at her. 'Good morning.' She said and smiled at him.

'I'll show you a good morning.'

'That's my line.' Penelope pouted at him playfully and he laughed, taking in her full 'first-thing-in-the-morning' look.

'Switched roles for the day.' He told her and stood opposite her, the counter keeping them apart. 'Coffee or juice?'

'Coffee please Hot Stuff, you know me, I can't live without the stuff.' She told him and then turned to look at the room; spotting the box she felt her curiosity peak. 'What's in the box?'

'Oh that, nothing, some old junk my mom sent me. Photo's, CD's, letters, just some reminders.' He told her and put a cup of fresh coffee in front of her before going and putting the box up.

'Looks heavy.'

'It's a lot of stuff.' He told her, hoping her interest was now peaked and she wouldn't want to know more. He pushed it right back and stepped back and turned to her. 'I'm gonna go for a run. You gonna behave and stay here?'

'We've got a lunch date handsome; I'd be a fool to run from that.'

'Good girl.' He said and kissed her forehead before heading to the stairs, he ran upstairs and moments later came back to find Penelope enjoying her coffee as she spoilt Clooney. 'I swear that dog loves you more than me.'

'It's 'cause he wants a mistress.' She said and winked at him, he laughed. Penelope looked down at the sloppy dog at her feet. 'You gotta go for a run now boy.' She said adoringly and the dog whimpered. 'I'll be here with a biiig treat when you're back.'

'Come on Clooney let's leave the crazy lady alone.' He said and Penelope laughed as he put the leash on the dog and headed for the door. 'See you in a bit princess.'

'Bye!' She said and settled back to finish her drink. She thought that'd be it, but the box was screaming at her to look at. She wanted to see little Derek Morgan, she wanted to know about the old him so she went and found the step ladder and climbed. Meticulously and carefully she pulled the box and nearly fell on the way day but keeping her balance she successfully put the box on the table top.

Peeling the lid off she looked inside, she was confused as she saw part of a photo of her glaring at her, she started to pull the things out as reality spun around her.

It was as she pulled more things out her knees went weak and she had to sit down.

_**A/N:**_ Thanks to Kricketwilliams' and hubby for help with the Justin Timberlake!! I forgot to add that and thanks to Emzypemzy for helping me briefly =P

So now the secrets out!!


	7. Unknown Delights

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

When Derek made it back in he noticed the eerie silence that masked is house and as he let Clooney of the leash he stood still listening for life. 'Baby girl!' He called out and without success, he went into the house, he saw her coffee cup still sitting on the counter, the house was just how he left it. 'Pen!' He called out and went further into the living room, turning to head upstairs in search he saw a note pinned to the fridge, the magnets holding it on spelling out Baby Girl. He smiled at it and put the paper out.

_**Sorry baby, mamma had to shoot home. I'll come by later. Sorry again handsome. BG x**_

He ran a hand over his head and grabbed his cell, as her number rang he turned and looked at his surroundings, something wasn't right. It was then he saw the box on the shelf wasn't back as far as he remembered it and he snapped the phone shut.

Turmoil over took him then as his eyes stared at the box, anger grew that she'd just disobey him, and then fear took him as she wasn't around and he knew that whatever she'd seen had made her run. Devastation washed over him as the emotions rolled on and continued to be ever changing.

He dragged himself to the shower and stuck it on cold, he didn't know what the hell to do now, he was at a loss and he never thought he'd feel this broken. Taking a shower didn't help, ringing Penelope didn't help because she didn't answer, sleeping was impossible, so he ended up going out for a walk, a walk where he didn't stop until a storm took over and although it was still boiling the rain pattered day lightly and he headed back. Going back he just stared absentmindedly at the floor in front of him. He took each step of his porch slowly and then was met with his door, and a box.

Frowning he picked it up and opened the door to his house, leaving it on the coffee table he went and changed into dry clothing before coming back down stairs and sitting in front of it. Slowing he slipped the lid off and set it next to it. Looking in his heart thudded, its pace growing and intensifying the more stuff he took out. Holding a sheet with Penelope's hand writing on he just read it and his hands shook all over again.

_**Read it in your order Derek. X**_

He looked over the stuff, he knew what she meant and the first thing he grabbed was a group of three emails.

**You**

* Eyes I drown in happily.

* Lips that I would die to kiss, if only once.

* A physique I could run my hands over.

* A laugh that's like my own drug.

* Talk that I'll yearn for perpetually.

* Love that I bask in ceaselessly.

* Heroism that makes me swoon each and every time.

* You, my one and only.

Derek sighed; his heart had clamped itself at that moment as he went onto the second piece of paper.

**Thou art to me a delicious torment.** ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

**If I know what love is, it is because of you.** ~Herman Hesse~

**Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. **~Franklin P. Jones~

**If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.** ~Anonymous~

**For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. **~Rosemonde Gerard~

**When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ~**Elizabeth Bowen~

**In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.** ~Janos Arnay~

**So many times I thought I would never find someone to love me the way I needed to be loved. Then you came into my life and showed me what true love really is.** ~Anonymous~

**Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. **~James Baldwin~

**I love you - those three words have my life in them. **~Alexandrea to Nicholas III ~

Derek's mind buzzed with the words, a different buzz to what he'd felt as he'd read his quotes for Penelope's and he just took a few moments before continuing on to the last email.

_**You'll have to measure your life starting from now Handsome.**_

That was all it said and he let the email's drop before he proceeded, he found a piece of damp bark and he looked at it, this one had his name all over it and in Penelope's own dragging, Mrs Penelope Morgan. It was like being in high school all over again. Except for scribbling love for someone on a notebook it was on a tree. Setting the bark down he continued to look, there were photo's of him, and he had to beat that these were all the stored photo's Penelope had of him because there was roughly the same amount as he had.

Smiling some he looked for the next part, finding it, he relaxed back into the couch and opened the paper up.

**As I'm standing here  
And you hold my hand  
Pull me towards you  
And we start to dance  
All around us  
I see nobody  
Here in silence  
It's just you and me**

Derek's eyes flashed over the first set of lyrics, he wondered if this was what Penelope felt whenever she danced with him, if this was how she felt every single time he had her in his arms and danced with just her.

**Who Knows what tomorrow brings**

**In a world. Few hearts survive**

**All I know, is the way I feel**

**When it's real, I keep my pray alive**

**The road is long**

**There are mountains in our way**

**But we climb steps every day**

**Love lifts us up where we belong**

He had to smirk, trust Penelope to bring the likes of Disney into this. It was another thing like that that made his heart swell with emotions for her.

**You are the one  
Who makes it worth waking up in the morning  
I'd trade the sun for the chance to show you I'm all in  
We could be like Jay and Beyonce  
Bonnie and Clyde just like the movie  
Take that chance on love (yeah yeah)  
Now i can't predict what the future holds  
But I'll fight forever to keep you close (yeah)**

I'd give it all up baby  
trade in the world to show I'm falling,  
I'm falling (yeah)

Derek could fell his heart regaining it's rhythm as he continued to read, his love had once been poured out and now Penelope's was doing exactly the same.

**Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air  
I know I can count on you  
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"  
But you've got the love I need To see me through**

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough  
And things go wrong no matter what I do  
Now and then it seems that life is just too much  
But you've got the love I need to see me through

Looking at those set of lyrics Derek smiled, he felt exactly the same towards Penelope, she helped him and now he knew he helped her how he had proud he had.

**From the Moment I saw you, **

**From the moment I looked into your eyes**

**There was something about you**

**I knew I knew **

**That you were once in a life time**

**A treasure near impossible to find**

**And I know how lucky I am to have you**

After finishing the last set of lyrics Derek let the paper's drop onto his lap, he didn't know what to do next, he knew what followed on his set sequence of events, he just didn't know if he was ready to read another heartfelt letter. After a moment of contemplation he sat forward and grabbed the letter.

Fiddling with it in his hands he just stared at it, ran his fingers over it, anything but look at it and then he decided that he was done being a coward, he had nothing to be scared of anymore. The proof was all in front of him as it was, there was no denying that.

So he unfolded it and began to read.

_**You're right Hot Stuff, kicking starting this as a Dear or a To would be too wrong for either of us. Dear John letter's start that way and we know how they end and this piece of paper is far, far, far from that.**_

_**To me I'd describe our relationship as topsy turvy, eccentric, unique, nauseating, loveable, adoring, and unmiss-able. You pull me up, I pull you up, that's the way we roll now isn't it stud? Ever since day one, since the "Hey Baby girl?" moment where I turn and question you with my thick sultry politeness "Baby Girl?" I ask you and you give me a weak version of that full wattage smile and open those luscious lips. "**__**Forgive me; I just didn't know the real..." I smirk at that and cut in. "I've been called worse." I tell you and step forward and ask what you need and then BAM just like the Morgan-Garcia duo were born and here we are, 9 years on.**_

_**Think for one moment I'd forgotten that and I will smack you upside your head good and proper. I think I dream that day all over again just so that I can get the purity of meeting you all over again because the moment I saw you standing in front of me I fell instantly in love and I've only gotten deeper ever since.**_

_**Problem was there are leagues. There's the girl's I've spent years observing you dance with. Those stick thin model wannabe's and then there was me, the total opposite and I doubted me as me. I knew a woman like me, with my curves and my glasses could never get a man like you and I could satisfy myself with what I could get from time to time but each time jealously flared because some Barbie was getting what I wanted.**_

_**I learnt to be the Baby Girl in your life Derek, ages ago I learnt that. Then before Battle I truly believed that you were jealous but you didn't say that, you just acted out and it ended badly. The night you got me home from the hospital and told me you loved me confused me. I wanted it to be a 'I'm In Love With You Penelope Garcia' but it was just "Hey Silly Girl...You know I love you right?" and there was no more, we didn't talk about it after that and then Kevin came along and I'm sorry if I ever, ever made you believe that I went with him because I didn't love you because I would die for you. If I was asked to die for you, I would do it in a heartbeat; I would take whatever pain was dealt my way to keep you safe. I love you too much and for that reason I cherish your life and have done.**_

_**We've made mistakes throughout both our lives and we've both become stronger and weaker from it. I told myself years ago I would never, ever, for the life of me, tell you I loved you, that I was in love with you, that I dream of you from time to time because I value what we have right now far too much to let it falter and fail and disappear from my life forever.**_

_**You said I'm your breath, well Derek, it work both ways. You're my stud muffin, my hunk of burning love, the man that protects me, the man that makes me smiles when all I want to do is cry and forget, you brought me ice cream, stood on my doorstep until I let you in, you waited for me, you and patience while I gathered myself back together post-breakup. It's moments like that in my life that my hearts swells and pounds because the love of my life is just so close yet so far away and that thought cripples me.**_

_**I love you Derek Morgan, always have and always will, no doubt about it. Whatever happens, I'll forever be Penelope Garcia, you're one and only baby girl, never forget that handsome.**_

_**Love Penelope**_

_**P.S. **_**The most eloquent silence, that of two mouths meeting in a kiss**. ~Anonymous~

_**I want to hear this silence one day.**_

He kept the letter in his hands as his eyes watered, she loved him, like he loved her. It was all in black and white, pure and simple in front of him. He leant forward and looked all the stuff in front of him, everything mirrored his box. Except one more envelope.

Taking it he opened it hastily and pulled the sheet out.

_**Wanna talk about it? Meet me at our place at 1pm**_

Looking at the time he saw that he was going to be beyond late and ignorant of the weather he ran for the door with his keys and wallet just making his grasp.

_**A/N:**_ Thanks Kricketwilliam's for the help with songs, I'm still in shock at how fast you were! LOL

Hope you liked where I went with this!! =)

**Songs:**

Colbie Caillat – Fallin' For You

Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes - Up Where We Belong

Jason Derulo – Falling

Florence and the machine – You Got The Love

John Bickerman - Beautiful


	8. In The Down Pour

I dislike saying this BUT Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, if I did we'd see a lot more going on if you get my gist....

Penelope lavished the rain that was pouring down, it was warm and it was almost beautiful as she looked out at the park. She could feel her emotions eating away at one another. She'd left the box earlier and ran, she hadn't looked back and now as the final minute came closer to ending she pondered on whether or not she'd just made a fatal error.

She put her head up to the sky, sending a silent prayer, she had been living the good life with Derek, wanting him with each and every passing moment she got with him but she'd never thought he'd reciprocate so secretly as he did. She had felt that with each passing year that getting with Derek was nothing but a pipe dream and now the reality of it all was that Derek was in love with her as much as she was in love with him.

She looked at her watch and saw the 11th minute of the hour was encroaching and she looked around, she felt herself tear up, the tears began falling unnoticed with the rain that was slowing. She'd jumped right in with that response to Derek and he hadn't shown up, so now she just put her head in her hands and thought out what the hell she was going to do next.

'So stupid Penelope.' She said under her breath as she looked down and heaved as she tried to halt her tears. She didn't want to cry over this because she had told him that she wouldn't really care if he didn't love her back but with that said and done she knew it was now a lie.

'Sucks to think it's a love lost eh?' A voice said as someone sat next to her. 'Sorry I'm late baby girl. I was too busy reading a love letter.' Penelope shot up and looked at him, a small smile on her face. 'I think I'm dreaming but God I don't wanna be.'

'Hey handsome, you are far from dreaming.' She said as she took his hand. 'Wanna know how I know you aren't?'

'How?'

'Because...' She started and then just kissed him on the lips, tentatively, passionately, a long awaited kind of kiss; she smiled more brightly as she pulled away. 'In dreams you just about lose out on what you want.' She finished and she looked at Derek staring at her.

'I've waited far too long for that.' Derek mused, his attention on Penelope as she turned and looked out ahead of them. 'I'm sorry I never chased you.'

'We both seem to fall guilty to that hot stuff.' She said and squeezed his hands. 'How long has that box been building up in your house?'

'For too long.' He told her and turned his attention to where she was looking. 'You really waited in the rain for me?'

'I thought if this was going to be my first and last chance to tell you I'd have stayed out here rain or shine just to know.'

'I'm glad you did baby girl.' He told her and put his arm around her. 'How about we get back to mine and continue this?'

'I like being out here, in the rain that is, it helps.' She said and looked at him. 'I've dreamt for too long about you, even when I was Kevin, it was always you. I just couldn't kick you away. You're a pest everywhere in my life handsome.'

Derek laughed slightly. 'Seems we both have an equal effect on one another.' He said and lifted her head up to look at him directly head on. 'I meant everything you read, I've always meant it but when it came to confronting it I just couldn't. Something in me just didn't let me.'

'It's out now Morgs.' She told him with a sweet smile. 'You where you wanna be?'

'I will be once I've done a couple of things.' He stood up and jumped down from bench and stood in front of Penelope, he put his hand out for her to take and she took it willingly, no hesitation at all. Derek helped her stepped down from her perch and just stared into her eyes; he pulled her close, allowing his hands to do what they needed to, one fulfilling his desire of threading through her hair. 'God I love you so much and you will never know just how much I love you.' He told her and kissed her with every pent up emotion he had held and secured safely in his heart. The searing of the kiss penetrated every lock, made every barrier give up its defence and on both Penelope and Derek's part the love collided forcefully as they didn't let up.

Pulling away Penelope licked her lips, tasted Derek on them. 'I think I can get some idea from that hot stuff.'

'Now can I please get my goddess out of the rain? I want to continue this at home.'

'What and make every dream come true?'

'That's right make every dream come true.'

'Well, you've made mine.'

'What of kissing in the pouring rain?' She nodded impishly and he grinned at her. 'My baby girl lacks ambition.'

'Now I didn't say it was my only dream did I?'She asked teasingly. 'Take me home and I'll show you exactly what I've dreamt and it involved you in bed, clothes on floor.'

'Well I definitely both our dreams are gonna collide tonight Goddess.' He told her and put his hand out, she took it and they left the park together.

Derek's life may have been all in his dreams but from Penelope's curiosity it was now his reality and he proof with Penelope being so close. His proof was Penelope's box; it told him everything it needed to.

It was his own little love story entirely, one he'd keep and cherish forever.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-THE END-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ So it ends... with the HEA I promised!!

Thanks for all the great reviews!! And thanks to all that read and enjoyed =)

Hope you enjoyed!!


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